Transitions

When January morphed into February, I started to feel like time had started sprinting rather than walking by. It seems like I always have such a long list of things that I want to accomplish, learn and create but there never seems to be enough time. I have the office cleared out and my craft/creative space somewhat set up, but have yet to dig in and get my craft on.

I feel like I have this imagined perfect world of cutely decorated everythings around the house and healthy home cooking always at the ready. I have great workout sessions and the weight I am perpetually aiming to lose is magically gone already. Then every once in a while I pause my always spinning mind, remove the rose colored glasses and take a good look around to find all those super housewife things are still on the to-do list and I haven't actually gotten around to them. With a big sigh every time, it seems that I always find just a normal home with a normal life with a normal queue of shows waiting on hulu. I am shockingly and boringly normal these days. Having cool recipes doesn't mean anything if your still heating up frozen pizzas for your husband.

I often think about my past  years of traveling and living in that small sliver of society that lives their dreams. It seems like a long time ago and a completely different person in the 1000s of pictures I click through periodically. Was that really me? I have pictures and journals to prove a life once lived, but it seems like some distant relative or acquaintance and feel really lucky to tell people that you knew once- like your status and credibility gets a little more solid by knowing them. Who was that person who lived life like a lion and went after every dream without a second thought that it would ever be unattainable. It wasn't me. I'm certainly not the same me that I used to be.

Why does this come up now? I've been in the 'settling down' club for almost 2 years. Seth and I have been married for over 2 years, we bought our first home, adopted our first 'baby' (our puppy is my furry, tail waggin baby- I don't care what any one says.) We have work, school, church and hobbies that keep us busy enough that we have to schedule time spent together. Late night couch snuggles with our puppy laying halfway across both our laps while we chat and debate whose show we're going to watch first has become our hoppin Saturday night ritual. We get excited when I find a new groupon or dealchicken for a restaurant we haven't tried yet or when red box texts me free rental codes once a month. Yes, redbox codes and groupons excite me these days. Seriously?? Yes, couponing and saving has become a hobby for me and I LOVE a good deal, but really. You can't take a cool picture of me standing at a redbox kiosk and have it inspire me for years to come. Where has the gumption and gusto in my life run off to??

Ok. Enough with the boo hoo flubbery. I have an incredibly blessed life. Did I mention I married my sweetheart about 2 years ago? 

 

 Did I mention we have our own home and an adorable puppy? 

Did I mention we have jobs and church callings? Did I mention we can afford trying new restaurants, internet at our home to watch roku and comfy furniture to snuggle with while watching it?

I have those very ideas going back and forth in my heart and mind almost constantly. Passing between sadness and yearning for a wildly interesting past and a stable, comfortable present. I'm trying to get my future to mesh these 2 lifestyles to appease the lion in me as well as provide the stable happy home I want most in life. I've had a difficult time attempting this. It may seem a little ridiculous to see this as an issue, but it really is for me. Any kindred spirit who gets a high booking plane tickets and can stroll through a foreign city or village in the corner of the world with just a camera and a journal and feel like their spirit is in harmony with the earth because of it will understand. Signing a marriage certificate and home mortgage with a bonafide homebody husband has flipped my world upside down.

This has all come full force to me recently by getting to know our neighbors. They all want to know our story and how we came to live on their street. They hear where we've been and what we're doing and so far since we've moved in a few months ago, the questions have not stopped. I knew my past was interesting to myself, but I didn't really plan on the effect it would have on the people of my future. The women that I'm meeting are all pinterest devotees and talk about their latest recipes and projects. I've had more that a few gawking stares when I've said things like I put chicken nuggets in the fettuccine I made for dinner a couple weeks ago or that silent reactions I get when people find out Seth and I have taken separate vacations in between vacations we take together (is that weird? I feels totally natural to us.) Not to mention the whole not having a kid thing. When we say we don't have any, the next question that comes is 'how old were you when you got married?' then quickly followed by 'how long have you been married?' Those combined are the polite way of asking how old we are and I can silently hear them counting down the child bearing years I have left.

So there you go. My daily thoughts rolled into one long post. Had anyone else out there reading this been through this transition want to share how it went down? There have got to be other people out there that didn't just fade right into 'committed' life with a big smile on your face and an apron at the ready.